I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just cut my nipple shaving
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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