The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
