nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
