I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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