i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
