He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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