Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
