Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
