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• (703): View more from Virginia

  I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...

  (301): View more from Maryland

  New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey

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• (763): View more from Minnesota

  I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.

  Fav 1 916 543

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• (206): View more from Washington

  I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.

  (425): View more from Washington

  .... touche....

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here

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• (620): View more from Kansas

  He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..

  Fav 1 150 78

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• (619): View more from California

  It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.

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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace

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