I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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