My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
