i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
