Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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