I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
