Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
