Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
