Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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