Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
