That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
