There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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