omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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