Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i think i just lost a toe
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
