Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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