you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
