idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
