Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
