speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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