i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
