I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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