Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
