I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
