He told me they were just razor bumps!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
