you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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