i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
