Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just cropdusted the office
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
