I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
