eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
