I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
