we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
This baby is an asshole
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
