you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
