i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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