he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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