He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
