i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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