we have pet lesbian snakes
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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