When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
