What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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