I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
