haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
