my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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