you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
